Having a best friend is wonderful and joyous, but it doesn't come without its fair share of problems. Like anything you just have to have, you discover that it may not be all that.
I grew up at an all-girls school, did an all-girls sport, and ended up working with women, so I may know a little something about female friendships. I found that as I stepped in to my 20s, my relationships were rearranging into a pattern I haven't known before. As I sat watching the new season of Workin' Moms on Netflix, I understood that my own experiences with my best friend may not be that unique. As Anne says, "female friendships are at best, complicated."
When I was in Year 9, I gave up my own best friend for another. I found this new friend interesting and exciting, and at a time where rebellion felt exhilarating, my new gal group was The One. My OG best friend then got her own best friend and we didn't speak to each other for years albeit partaking in the same sport, and going to the same school. We stayed distant no matter the interventions, from parents, from teachers even (shout out to Mr Bold). Then, as high school went on we found each other again, and were drawn to each other for our shared values and likemindedness. We went from dressing like twins at 12, to enemies at 16, to best friends at 21.
However, as we sought after our own goals and paved our own paths, we made other friends and new experiences; ones which didn't consider the other. I was jealous of her boyfriend, because she was mine. Then I started to train again, and she being the uber-smart woman she is, became a full-blown Actual Real Life lawyer. Our priorities changed and all of a sudden, I forgot to check-in. This happened with all other friendships. I didn't designate the time to call my friends, I was too tired trying to be my best self. But when I woke up having achieved my athletic dreams, I found my best friend was no longer my best friend and it was heart break (don't worry we're still sisters). But I also found that I no longer hoarded my friends. I wasn't jealous of other women, I was happy that they had their cheerleaders and their allies. When my friends tell me their own group of gal pals are being real dicks, talking behind each others' backs and whittling their own social ladder, it saddens me that they can't be genuine and loving people. I'm proud to say that my own friends are Real Life Magic, and they are not only wonderful friends, but wonderful women. This didn't come without its problems. You understand that sometimes you grow apart from people, and at times there will definitely be specific people at certain times of your life that are the most appropriate. You understand that you truly attract in what you give out, so to have loving and special people, you must also be a loving and special person (and to know that you are doesn't make you an egotist).
Female friendships are weird. We love each other so hard and hate each other forever, we want to be supportive so we become their Yes Woman even if we think it's a Really Bad Idea. We fall in lust with each others' crushes, and then to be nice about it, we'll discuss it with someone else. It's bull.
BUT
Female friendships are also incredible. When you know what you deserve and believe in the ability of other women, and want to support their dreams, you'll know no team better bonded. The term "best friend" is weird because it suggests infinity and exclusivity. But like any other relationship, your best friend relationship will not come without its problems, and it is not a fixed contract so don't be in awful grief if yours turns to shit. They'll come back because that's just what happens with time, or perhaps it's really time to let them go. You can have a best work friend, a best training friend, a best high school friend. There can be a million bests, and with you being yours, you should bet that all your friends are.
Love always,
Enid
PSA: Chuck your mates a text.